Acceptance is not the same as giving up

The last few months have been eye-opening for me in terms of my writing goals. They have also been eye-opening in terms of how I live my life. I haven’t come to any profound conclusions on existence or anything like that, but these have been revelations that, I think, are going to change the path of my writing, as well as the path of this blog.

Anyone that reads this blog with any kind of regularity knows that I work from home as a ghostwriter. The time I spend doing it is often hard to come by, as I have a two year old here with me all day. And on the days she doesn’t get a nap, the only time I get to work is when she is enjoying her hour and a half of screen time in the morning.  Sometimes I also work late at night but I am trying to eliminate that because I am finding that as I get older, sleep is more necessary. Blech.

Because of the hard-to-find time, my own fiction writing has to take a back seat. In the last six weeks, I have written about ten thousand words of my own writing. Granted, some of that writing time has been occupied with working on final edits with Elk Lake Press for the release of Jubilee (which is about to get re-named, I do believe). But still, the majority of my writing time is spent ghostwriting. It pays the bills, it’s fun, and I’m learning a ton about the publishing industry as well as my own writing in the process.

That’s where this blog is going to change. I’ve been threatening it for a while now but today I’m actually pulling the trigger on it. To date, 95% of the posts you’ve seen here have been about my own writing and the milestones that have occurred along the way. That’s one of the reasons for the lull in posts over the last year and a half or so: not much has happened.

However, on my “work” end, lots has happened. I’ve gone from scrounging for work to having to turn down jobs because there aren’t enough days in the month. I’m beginning to appreciate ghostwriting a bit more, even though it does distract me from my own writing. Slowly, I am finding the trick to balancing out both and I seriously believe that I’ll have it figured out by the end of the year.

Another thing I have realized is that I almost push my identity as a work at home dad under the carpet so I can identify as a writer first and foremost. Well, that’s really not how it works. Most days, writing is not the first thing on my mind. Instead, it’s work and watching my two year old daughter grow up way too fast.

So while I am not abandoning this blog (in fact, I plan to keep it much more active), the scope of it will change. You’re going to see some in-jokes, griping, and celebrating in the realm of ghostwriting. Similarly, you’re going to get a peek inside the life of a 35 year old that works at home, making up stories and editing the stories of others, while a two year old girl runs his life behind the scenes.

Of course, I’ll still be writing about progress towards my writing career (of the non-ghostwriting variety) when it’s relevant. For instance, I’ll be posting news about the release of Jubilee (or whatever it ends up being called) in the coming days.

If you haven’t gathered by now, yes, it is quite a dilemma to have an identity crisis when you are a writer. But even now, with the mediocre successes I’ve had, I’m learning that I’m honestly just beginning.

Besides…I have my entire life to keep writing, but just a few years to enjoy my kids before they start resenting a father who embarrasses them because he writes weird stories and oh God dad, please don’t talk to me in front of my friends!

This is not me waving a white flag and giving up on my original dreams of becoming a full-time writer of my own fiction. Instead, think of it as taking that white flag and folding into the shape of a sail that will go on a boat…a boat that knows choppy waters are coming, but there’s new land to be discovered eventually.

That is, just as long as I can finally convince the crew that the world is indeed round and we aren’t going to fall off the edge.

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